LoudthiNker’s plaCe to Tell peoPle of HeR tHouGhts

Nothing much happen in my life lately,unless if i count the thing that should be done long ago,but i was so weakthen.Not that i am stronger now,but maybe i am weaker..haha..merepek…anyway,i let go of things,of dream,of hope that i know,i would never have achieved..at first i felt empty,but as days go on..aku sedang belajar akan luasnya  rahmat Allah…dia bukan hantar sorang jer angel untuk aku..beribu-ribu kot..so takyah la aku dok tunggu yg sorang tu ajer kan..hehe..marah2 aku..taring2 aku..selama nih..akhirnya kurang sedikit demi sedikit..bunyik sgt keceper..tapi tader kene mengene pon..

Aku maseh belum kater aku kembali percaya kepada apa yang aku percaya dulu..aku maseh teringat,perjalanan aku mlm2 sorang2 dulu(sambil membuat sesuatu yg tak best untuk diketahui umum..paham2 ajelah org tensen wat aper kalo jln mlm2)..aku memang mcm nak jerit2.."nak aper lagi..nak aper lagi!" sambil dongak pandang langit..[uihh..terus aku terbayang ader org nnt kater "ehhhh..tak baik ckp mcm tuh..tak bersyukur namanya tuh"...hehe...jawapan aku dulu dan sekarang..."pergi la mati dgn self righteousness ko tuh"...there are some things you couldnt understand unless you experienced it yourself..don't judge others with your untested personal yardstick]

Entahlah..i think,the longer i live the less things i have/seem to be able to say to people,when they come to me with their stories..i really don’t know life at all..all i can do now is..your pain is too much for one person..let me share it..or just let me know how you’re hurt so that i can feel it too,you wouldn’t have to be so alone in that.i seriously don’t want to cure you.That’s His job,not mine.All i can do is those words i uttered in silence.

Anyway,I am ok now.not whole but just fine.There are some hurts that goes too deep that even time couldnt have it mend.But maybe its too early to tell.

In accepting life as it is,the first steps is to get angry,really2 angry when some
things happened and it touches the very core of your believe in God in Allah.Untill then,don’t go around ditching ‘wise words’.."oh..i accept life as it is"

hopes,dreams and plan are flourishing ..i’m breathing again am i..
been a little short fused(more than before anyway)lately,so been keeping my mouth shut..unless i can joke without hurting..hehe..

maseh sedang ‘berehat’..don’t want to think too much..doing anything too soon..
Ramadhan is coming,and i find that i’m a bit ashamed of myself this year..i think i was a better person last time when ramadhan’s approaching..but something’s lost and some others’ gained innit?..hehe..

i know more about myself now than ever..about other ppl too..
not that i gained wisdom or anything…felt more like a person striped down of all things previously known..left to pick up the pieces once more..put it back together,even if deep down inside i know,it will crumble again(pardon my negativity)..hehe..but its all in a good way,me saying these..
bak kate Glen Hansard
"
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You’ve made it now

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You’ve made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I’ll sing along"

Oh ye..haritu tgk citer Once,lagu diatas dari movie itu..teman saye(adekku si hani) tido 60% of the screening..(haiyoh!)..makcik tuh prefer citer2 yg action packed,mcm the last movie we went to watch(Transformers)..citer nih simple2 jer..mostly lagu2 la..mcm musical pon ader…but i really enjoy it…masa dier maen  lagu diatas,rasenyer cam deria rasa-perasaan saye nih wake-up from its long sleep…i can feel again..ngahahha..yo yo o jer..

okeh..nak sambung balek study untuk Midsession test..huhu..